What's Up?

I haven't been posting much cause well, there has not been a whole lot to say. I open this every day and then my mind goes blank.

There are things going on, though. Yesterday was my youngest step-daughter's birthday. She turned 9. All day long, I reminded Brian to call her. He never did. This frustrated me cause well... it just did. We haven't seen them since Christmas, cause P always says there is something going on so they cannot come over. We could enforce this, of course, but that would mean going back to court, which we cannot afford. So all the little things he can do to keep in touch will mean a lot but I think, he has given up. Which makes me sad.

A wants the car I bought her last summer. I bought it for her. I intend it to go to her. However, after Christmas, when she basically broke my heart, I am reluctant to even talk to her. She really hurt me with all the crap she was saying. She caused a lot of unnecessary drama and just flat out hurt me for the last time. So there for awhile, I just didn't want to give it her. I am sure that is all kinds of wrong of me, but I cannot help what I feel about it. I have prayed many many times about this issue and I just have to let go of the hurt. I want her to have the car. I got it for her. I know she does not care about the sacrifice we made to get it. This is weighing on me a lot and I think I am probably giving it too much thought.

I am working on my resume because a Senior Designer position opened up at work. While I feel I can do the job, I feel I am qualified to do it, I am reluctant to apply cause of my own self-doubt. I am in the process of "designing" my resume to make it look cool cause that is what everyone is telling me to do, I just want to do it and get it over with and I find myself lacking in creative vision of where I want to go with it. OVER A RESUME. SILLY I KNOW. I am praying for God to show me the right path to take here. I know if I do not apply, I will be kicking myself and thinking what if, so I WILL apply. I just know that with my boss telling me that I have "everything they are looking for in a senior" in my mid-year review, if I didn't get it, I think I would be so mad! lol A very wise co-worker told me to think of it as God's plan. If I don't get it, then He has something else in store for me. I know this to be true. I just have to trust in Him.

My health. UGH MY HEALTH. I am so sick of not being well that I just get depressed about it. With the mastoenterocolotis (that they have no idea is the cause) and the celiac disease and the diabetes and PCOS and all the other crap that I have going on... it is a wonder I get out of bed everyday. Since we have been trying to have a baby for oh, six years now, that has been weighing on my heart too and it is all because of the above that I am having trouble. We are going to seek help again. We are praying so hard about this. My health and the fact that we want our own baby. My clock is ticking away at a feverish rate and since I just turned 35, I feel like I am quickly running out of time! I go back to the GI on June 3, to tell him that well, no change, the allergist said that I was negative for any food allergies. So now what? I go back next week to see my diabetic doc to see how the new insulin is working. I will probably have to be put on humalog as well. Five injections a day scares me. So far I have been doing ok with two. I have seen a great difference in my numbers which is good but it is still erratic and affects everything I do. Hopefully I will be able to see a fertility specialist soon.

Nick is about to get braces. After camp. Chris turned 11 and is going to camp for the first time this year. Lots of stuff going on... So I guess I finally got a post out. LOL

May you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend! Thank your soldiers! I come from a long line of military men... including my husband and my ex-husband, my brother, my father, both of my grandfathers... aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.... that I have SUCH A HUGE respect for those in the military. Which leads me to another topic... those Army commercials! They make me mad. lol I mean if my son said... I want to join the military. I would be proud. Yes, I would be worried cause there is a war going on, but I would be PROUD. Ugh! OK enough of that.